The Foot-In-Mouth Chronicles - Part 3

(Originally posted July 2009)

Another three months have whooshed past. Yet, it looks like it was yesterday that I'd put up Part 2. Seems like space travel to me.

October 2008.

So I run into this gentleman at the cafeteria on the first floor for breakfast.

And my head goes - Hey, you've seen this guy before. Where? Of course, back on campus. What's his name? Ah yes. (But no, I am not taking names here. We'll call him Vats. You'll see why.)

Being quite the professional socialite (which in hindsight, I realise was an innocent mistake by a fresher at work), I decide to introduce myself to him.

"Hello, Prof Vats, this is a BITSian. How're you doing?"

He shakes my hand with an air of one out to crush the phalanges to calcium powder. Very well, he says. Preliminary introductions follow. I get my plate of idlis and we take a table together.

"So you're a Computer Science engineer? And you're in a biotech company?"

"Yes, sir. Up on the third floor."

"Yeah yeah, I know your Manager pretty well. He was in my junior batch."

"Ahan. Yes, loads of BITSians everywhere, sir. Your wife was one too, right?"

"No. She's just a Math Prof."

Yeah I remember, I was registered to her for Math 1 in my 1st year." (which was a bluff. I know, anything to keep a conversation going)

"Oh you were?"

"Yeah. Vidya ma'm's ad-cal classes were pretty engrossing."

"Her name's not Vidya. It's Padma."

Strike 1. Ouch. I bite my lip. Of course, her name wasn't Vidya, it was something else. The person I ended up quoting accidentally was a delectable senior who was TA in my Data Structures lab in 3rd year. Between silly algorithms and agreeable tutors, you know what (rather, who) gets in the pipeline first.

"I am sorry, my mistake. Nevertheless, it's been 4 years of good fun, and now it's over to a completely new world, shouldering a bit more responsibility!" (Lord, I really need to hide my face somewhere)

"Hmm."

2 minutes silence. Think of something else wiseguy, goes the brain. My hands aren't idle in the meantime. They've worked away on transporting the idlis to their rightful abode, and in double quick time on this occasion, considering this was the best way I could tackle an embarrassing moment. I finish my meal, and note he has more than half of his Pongal to go. Dining table etiquette demands that you wait for your companion to finish. I decide to resume the half baked conversation.

"So how's your work here? How different are you finding work here, as opposed to BITS?"

"Oh it's great. I'm still doing research, so that way it's not much of a difference, but then this is the industry, so there's a bit more pressure, as you may have realized."

And then the foot-in-mouth moment you've all been hoping for.

"So what does your company do?"

"We manufacture a lot of pharma products. Specifically, condoms. We cater to the needs of over 40% of the world's population. Durex and Kohinoor, they're both our brands."

I stare. This is like Strike 2 and 3 rolled into one. It felt like he'd pounded my head with a mallet. Let's face it, you may call it fortuitous to get to hear about the birds and the bees through someone who's no less than a professor, but I was stumped for a reply. I marvelled at the attempt to keep a straight face. My attempt, of course. By now, he'd probably described his job description enough times already.

"Oh."

And I nod my head. Couldn't do anything else, the tongue seemed to have twisted itself into a helix.

As he finished his pongal and bade goodbye, I was left wishing that I'd let a little of the sambar remain. To drown my ruddy face into.

Credits: The plate of idlis, which was the only point of that brilliant morning.

PS: If you still haven't got the Vats funda, you shouldn't be here. This post carries an Over-18 rating. Kids, shoo!